Is Christianity Homophobic? A Hard, Honest Look at Faith, Sexuality, and Intimacy

If you've wrestled with faith and sexuality, you’re not alone. For many, the question "Isn’t Christianity homophobic?"isn’t just theoretical—it’s deeply personal. Maybe you’ve felt the sting of rejection from Christians, heard dehumanizing rhetoric, or struggled to reconcile your identity with biblical teaching.

This week’s chapter centers itself in this question: “Why can we not say, therefore, that people who are exclusively same-sex attracted are exceptions to the Biblical rule?” 

Instead of dodging the tension, Rebecca McLaughlin invites us to engage with what the Bible actually says about sexuality, marriage, and intimacy. This post isn’t about easy answers—it’s about looking at the bigger picture of God’s story, where every person is seen, known, and loved.

What Does the Bible Say About Same-Sex Relationships?

For many affirming Christians (often called Side A Christians), the idea that love should be restricted by gender seems unthinkable. After all, if God is love, why would He deny people the ability to love and commit to one another?

The Bible’s references on sexuality are undeniably challenging. It does not affirm same-sex sexual relationships. In fact, the same scriptures that say no to same-sex sexual intimacy say a massive yes to intimacy of other kinds.

Jesus, when asked about marriage, didn’t redefine it. Instead, He reaffirmed Genesis:

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” (Matthew 19:4-5, ESV)

Paul, too, emphasizes this design in Ephesians 5:31-32, showing how marriage between a man and a woman reflects Christ’s love for the Church.

But here’s where things get uncomfortable: if the Bible is so clear, why does it feel so difficult?

Sex and the Deepest Longing for Intimacy

McLaughlin challenges culture’s assumption on sex:

“In modern society, we are led to believe we cannot live without sex. In fact, I believe we are more likely to wither without friend and family love.”

What if our deepest need isn’t sex, but intimacy? What if the Church has failed not because of its belief on marriage, but because it has offered too little in terms of deep, committed relationships beyond marriage?

Jesus never married. Paul never married. They lived in deep community, surrounded by people who knew them fully.

McLaughlin writes:

“Like any other Christian, I need safe friends with whom I can be utterly honest, and who will call me out and help me make corrections when the pendulum of my heart has swung too far in one direction.”

The Church often elevates marriage as the ultimate relationship, but the Bible doesn’t. Instead, it presents something deeper: the kind of friendship and fellowship that makes marriage just one reflection of an even greater reality—our union with Christ.

Why Can’t Same-Sex Marriage Be an Exception?

We return to the question from the beginning of this post.Why can’t we say that people who are exclusively same-sex attracted are exceptions to the biblical rule? It’s a fair question. But here’s the bigger picture:

The Bible’s sexual ethics aren’t about exclusion—they’re about a higher calling.

God’s design for marriage is rooted in something beyond personal fulfillment. It’s about Christ and the Church(Ephesians 5:25-32). This theme runs throughout Scripture. Marriage, in its ideal form, is an echo of something greater—the union between God and His people.

If that’s true, then biblical sexuality isn’t about who is or isn’t allowed to love. It’s about how all of us are called to reflect God’s love—whether single, married, straight, or gay.

Breaking the “Them vs. Us” Mentality

Here’s something radical: The Bible doesn’t allow us to divide into “good Christians” and “bad sinners.” McLaughlin reminds us, “While the New Testament is clear on its no to homosexual relationships, it leaves no room for a ‘them and us’ approach. By Jesus’ definition, every adult Christian is guilty of sexual sin, and Christians with homosexual desires and histories helped to launch the early church.”

This means that in God’s eyes, none of us are “exceptions” to grace. Every one of us—no matter our sexual orientation—needs Christ’s redemption.

Instead of casting stones, Jesus called sinners to Himself. Instead of exclusion, He offered belonging. The Church should be the most radically welcoming place for every person, even when we wrestle with God’s design for our lives.

We live in a world that tells us to find our authentic selves by looking inward, peeling back the layers of identity until we find the “real me.”

But McLaughlin challenges that:

“From a Christian perspective, who I am in relation to God is my authentic self.”

This doesn’t erase the reality of same-sex attraction. It doesn’t minimize the struggle or the emotions. But it does invite us into a greater identity—one rooted in Christ, not in our desires.

And that’s the real invitation of the Gospel: to find intimacy not just in human love, but in the love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

The Bigger Story

At its core, the Bible isn’t about exclusion. It’s about a grand, unfolding story of love and redemption.

The real question is not, “Does God approve of same-sex marriage?” but rather, “What kind of love are we made for?”

We were made for a love bigger than romance.
We were made for intimacy deeper than sex.
We were made for a belonging greater than any human relationship can give.

This is what the Church is meant to embody—not just a rule book on sexuality, but a radical community of love, where every person finds belonging.

For those who identify as Side A, these teachings may feel painful. For those who affirm same-sex marriage, they may seem unfair. But here’s what I hope you take away:

• God’s love is not limited by sexual orientation.

• The Church has often failed to create spaces for deep, non-sexual intimacy.

• Biblical sexuality is about something bigger than personal fulfillment—it’s about reflecting Christ.

• Every person is made for deep, Christ-centered relationships, regardless of marital status.

The question isn’t just whether Christianity is homophobic. It’s whether the Church will be the kind of community that reflects Christ’s love—where all are invited to wrestle, seek, and belong.

What do you think? How do we create a Church that truly reflects Jesus' love while holding to biblical truth? Let’s continue the conversation.

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